OH MY GOD! Can you believe the "lows" politicians sank to during these midterm elections. I don't think there was even one politician who didn't completely rail on another's alleged shortcomings. Now I'm certainly not a naive person and realize this mudslinging has for quite some time become the number one weapon in a campain's arsenal. That doesn't make it right and it definitely seems to be getting worse with each go-round.

It got so bad that I became unable to tell who was Republican and who Democrat. These days, that doesn't seem to matter much anyway as everyon strives for the middle bumping into each other along the way. We all know better than to believe anything that comes out of any politicians' mouth but it seems like that wasn't always the case...at least to some extent with some of our nation's "leaders". Don't even get me started on the stupid-ass "running" this country. It amazes me that there are still people out there who actually believe the man. Our country has become the laughing-stock of the world and to be honest with you, we completely deserve that title.

Hopefully all that will change in the next election but I know better than to get my hopes up too high. And yes, I'm just a little jaded.

Is it me or is healthcare in this country getting worse and worse? Ok ok, I know it isn't me...healthcare in the U.S sucks ass and has for quite some time...perhaps all time. I saw a doctor the other day and needed a prescription for an ongoing issue. My current medication just isn't doing the trick. After talking with me for awhile, he asks me if I've ever tried "A." He starts rummaging around looking for a sample and comes across one for "B" instead. So, he decides to give me that one instead. Whew, thank god docs go through all that education and whatnot, huh? And talk about patient care! Massively impressive!

Another and much more offensive and horrifying incident occurred regarding healthcare when my dad was fatally ill in the hospital several months ago. He was in Union Regional Medical Center, a hospital in Monroe, North Carolina. He was extremely ill and on the brink of death and his doctors, Dr. Camp, Dr. Leitner, and Dr. Browse were all trying desperately to figure out what was going on with him. His body had stopped manufacturing blood and he couldn't eat without bringing it back up. He had lost probably about 1/4 of his body weight over the last several months and things just weren't looking good. But the docs kept trying to help him and make him as comfortable as possible. My mother and I were grateful for their help and kindness. Then his primary physician went on vacation and Dr. Wegener, DR. DICK, took over and decided to move my dad to a nursing home to let him die. He told my mother he was releasing my dad and this nursing home (cleverly disguised as a rehab center) was the only place that would take him. We had no choice. It seemed DR. DICK didn't want my father dying on "his watch." Fuck healthcare, right?

My father was hooked up to a feeding tube and wearing diapers as he was bed-ridden. He stayed in this hellhole for about a week before passing. During that time, my mother and I visited him twice daily each, spreading out our visits so my dad wouldn't be alone or lonely. Also during that time, we both found him on the on his knees on the floor with dirty diapers several times as he had gotten out of bed. I was horrified the first time it happened and raised holy hell with the nurses. They tried to tell me that they had just checked on him an hour earlier and changed his diaper. I told him they were liars. My father was so weak he couldn't hold half a plastic cup of water by himself let alone get out of bed within an hour. I asked them to check on him every 1/2 hour and demanded that this incident be reported. They didn't and it wasn't. My mom and I raised holy hell again and again and again...to no avail. We were checking around to see if we could move him either back to the hospital or to a more caring attentive environment when he passed. Fuck healthcare, right?

What is the deal with shoppers? I know it's the holidays and all, but jesus christ, this shit is completely insane. All I ask is that there be a shopping law instated that follows the general rules of traffic laws...you know...walk on the right side, who has the right of way, etc. Would that be so freakin' difficult? You'd think that Americans would just sort of follow this logic automatically. I mean, the majority of adults drive so we all know the rules of traffic. Doesn't it just make sense to transfer those rules over to shopping traffic?

I was born and raised in the south, a small town in central Florida to be exact. I hated it there; not the south but the small town where I lived. I gradually moved northward to bigger cities. First to Birmingham, Alabama for six years, then to the Washington, DC area for about ten years. A few months ago, I moved to Monroe, North Carolina, another small town in the south. I moved here to help my parents through my father's illness and eventual death. I stayed to help my mom through the process of grieving and starting a new life. Before I moved, I knew I'd hate it and I was right. Again, it's not because it's the south, it's the small town aspect of it.

People who are not from the south tend to be intolerant and ignorant of "our" ways. We can't seem to shake the racist redneck image we certainly deserved in the past. What I can honestly say is that the new south is just that and I've witnessed things here that I've never seen in the "progressive" north. Every day I see black and white kids playing together. I've seen more mixed-race couples here than anywhere before, and no, other southerners don't stare or mock them. What I've also noticed is a tolerance for "non-normal-looking people" such as myself. With dyed red hair, tattoos, and an eyebrow piercing, you'd think I'd be a target for glares and stares. But time after time, I've been accepted as I am down here. It brings a smile to my heart when a man in his seventies tips his hat and says hello, even to an alterna-chick like me. That is something you don't get in the north and definitely one of the things I'll miss about the south...random friendliness by strangers.

Don't get me wrong, we have a long way to go down here, but so does the rest of the country. One of the first things I noticed when I first moved to the DC area ten years ago was the intolerance of "outsiders." It doesn't seem to be as much a black-white issue, but more of a brown vs. black/white issue. God help you if you have a middle east accent. However, getting back to the black-white issue, let's not forget the phenomenon of white flight to the suburbs or the unspoken segregation in schools that exists in the bigger cities of the north and west. Look around, how many mixed race 10-12 year olds do you see playing together? The richer the families, the more this holds true. Isn't that a friggin' shame?

Again, we have a long way to go. The south is still filled with holy rolling, misinformed die-hard republican NRA fanatics. But slowly, we're getting there.

We've all wondered, to some extent, what happens when we die. Recently, my father died so I've been wondering about this more than usual. I wonder about things like, if we go to heaven (if there is a heaven or something of the sort), what is it like. I wonder if get the opportunity to view our entire lives to see things we didn't see while here on earth. Or, maybe we get to pick like three situations we want to see that happened during our lives that we always wondered about. If we did have these opportunities, would we even take them? Maybe the truth would be too painful.

Going the reincarnation way, maybe we're forced to view our lives as we lived them, maybe to gain insight for the next life, so we don't make the same mistakes. I definitely believe some people have "old souls". Maybe this somehow ties into that.

I also wonder if people who have died have the ability to see those of us still living in the flesh. When I was 13 or 14, my grandmother died and I always felt guilty about masturbating...like she could see me or something.

Getting back to my dad...I find myself talking to him a lot these days. Sometimes I cry when I think about him, but for the most part, I feel very connected to him. I think about the little things...stuff he said, things he enjoyed, things I learned from him over the years. The other day was the first day of NFL football. It was September 12, the day after the anniversary of 9/11. As they sang the national anthem, I found myself getting very emotional. By the time it was over, I was crying, thinking about my dad. If done "properly" in his eyes, the national anthem made him cry every time. That goes for Amazing Grace too. Those were his two favorite songs and it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about them. Sometimes it's hard to watch sports because my dad enjoyed them so much. Wildlife is another tough one. Even just seeing birds and rabbits in my mom's lawn makes me think of him.

They're bitter sweet right now. The memories. It's all still very close. I owe my dad a lot and I wish I could have given him more while he was here. He knew that I loved him and I'm thankful for that.